All of us have fears. Fear of rejection, fear of public speaking, fear of the unknown, etc. Our fears typically control our lives, sometimes demonstratively, otherwise subconsciously. Few of us are even aware of our fears and their role in our lives, yet we live with them every day. Without being able to understand why we are fearful and what our fears are, we will never be able to conquer these fears.
So, if our fears are central to our very being, without us even recognizing them for what they are, how are we to know how to name them, understand them, and eventually work on solving and eliminating them? Let’s take a closer look at how to find where your individual fears come from, and also how to eliminate them.
Where do they come from?
Fears are central to every living animal. Some are based on primal urge and survival while others take form in less physical form. For the topic of this article, obviously, our focus is on the human condition’s response to fear. Where do your fears come from? Was it from birth? Were you born with your fears? Was there an event or chain of events that set you up with your set of fears? Are your fears real or imagined? These are all the most basic questions you’ll need to ask yourself when beginning to look at where exactly your fears come from.
Chances are, if you are like most, you can in fact-pinpoint the origin of your fear. You know that there was a time in high school that you failed at a public speech, and this is why you freeze up when it comes to any sort of public speaking, scared to death that you will repeat the same situation again and again. Or, perhaps, you were rejected by a loved one, and forever hold that fear about all relationships, and as a consequence find it difficult getting serious about anyone in case you are rejected again. If you have a memory that you can tie to your irrational or rational fear, then you must start here-no matter how painful it may seem.
If you can’t readily recognize why you are fearful of any particular situation, brainstorm. Talk to your friends, relatives, and anyone who has known you for years. You would be surprised how much other people take in in relation to your life. Objective reality is always clearer than subjective reality. Typically, sitting down, brainstorming, and collecting insight from your loved ones will let you start to see where your fears come from. It may be a painful journey as sometimes you just don’t want to admit that you have certain fears or ever experienced whatever painful event made you forever fearful, but this is the only way to heal and start living your life fearlessly.
Eliminating Your Fears
Once you have pinpointed what and where you fears come from, you will be able to better see the direct connection to your immediate present. Once out of the fearful atmosphere that caused you the lifelong fear and anxiety, you can better see the fear as perhaps your loved ones have all along: clearly and objectively. The more objectively you can see your fears, the less connection you will be able to draw between you and it as well as you and your painful past. Since that time, you have had so many experiences, relationships, and times that provided quite probably a different perspective altogether.
Of course, it is absolutely crucial to remember that realizing, recognizing, and eliminating your fears takes time. It doesn’t happen overnight. Fears and the route of self-actualization is what millions of therapists and psychologists get paid hundreds of thousands of dollars per year to diagnose and dissect.
Remember this, fear is normal and courage is not about being fearless, but about having fears and working your way through them. Every true life hero would have felt fear at some stage, but they were able to look that fear in the face and carry on as if it wasn’t there, probably trembling all the way, but none the less they worked through it. So too can you, but first you have to recognize it for what it is, a feeling deep inside trying to keep you in your comfort zone. By all means take notice of your fear as it may be warning you of some real danger, but remember that nine times out of ten what you fear may happen, never does.
In conclusion, there is no one way to fix your fears and make you a courageous, well-rounded individual; however, the path is simple once you start looking at your fears. It takes a lot of honesty, determination, and trials to start thinking of your fears in a whole new light, but once you make a start you will find that barriers start to fall far more easily than you would have first imagined.